So, I guess to answer my own internal question, I appear to be more interested in Armageddon than I am the nasty box of overused facial tissues. Flu season sucks, folks. It really sucks. Especially if you're working more than sixty hours a week. Pity me. Better still, pity the clientele that must deal with me this afternoon.
The Dudley Boyz (c) vs. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak vs. La Resistance vs. Val Venis & Lance Storm vs. Rosey & The Hurricane vs. Scott Steiner & Test
World Tag Team Titles Turmoil Match
It's nice to see some sparks coming from the tag team division once again. Seems like it was only yesterday that we were writing up what must've been our eighth consecutive preview of the same old "Dudleys vs. La Resistance" title match on PPV, so I'll give them credit for quickly and concisely building a halfway decent tag team division in such a short amount of time. Though several of these teams are merely quick pairings of superstars that are usually lost in singles action, even those makeshift combinations were given on-screen motivation for working with one another. Rather than merely sending Lance Storm out with Val Venis and proclaiming "hey, these guys are a tag team now," they provided a little backstory to the combination's friendship and established them as more than just a flavor of the week. Likewise, they're finally going somewhere with Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade... just as I thought they would be relegated to the status of "guys who throw purty dropkicks" for the rest of their careers.
I'm not sure which set of rules they're going with for this match, since the formula for a multi-participant title match varies just about as often as the means of victory in a cage match, but given the number of teams involved I'd imagine this will be elimination-style. The momentum's gotta be with Cade and Jindrak going in, since they've gained such a central focus in the division, but I also wouldn't rule out La Resistance or the Dudleys.
Winners: Vanilla Coke, Jindrak & Cade
Mark Henry vs. Booker T
I'm not sure what I should say about this match... I think John will have the whole defeatist pessimistic angle hit hard here, Dave will unleash the violent expletives and likely mention how "Vince McMahon is a shiny cunt" for misusing Booker and constantly overpushing Mark Henry. Hm. There's really nowhere else for me to fit unless I want to say something nice about this match... which, actually, I guess I could try out for a change.
I've been one of the loudest voices praising Mark Henry's utilization over the last several months. Since coming to RAW and immediately aligning himself with Theodore Long and Rodney Mack, Mark's been used extremely well, with very few exceptions. He hasn't been exposed with many lengthy matches, which everyone knows are not his forte. He's been used as an impact player (to borrow a term) effectively, landing a brutal power move at the exact moment the match has called for it, and he's learned to express his character through facial expressions and body language. He honestly looks like a legitimate threat to the title, even if it would be the wrong move to ever put it on him for an extended period of time. However, he and Booker are a poor match for one another. They took two guys growing heads of steam (Henry from his monster heel push, Booker from his return to action after an injury) and pushed them together in an ill-timed match that likely won't benefit either one of them. The only story here is that there is no story. Henry's run into a couple of Booker's post-match celebrations, and that's about it. It's color-by-number booking at its finest, and I can't say I'm pleased with the end result. Booker needs to take this one, since he's been sliding ever since WrestleMania and needs to boost of tackling a guy with the size and reputation of Mark Henry. With that said, I'm picking the big man here because the bookers haven't done a thing right with this feud yet, so why start now?
Winner: Mark Henry
Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Randy Orton
WWE Intercontinental Title Match with Mick Foley as Referee
By all indications, this should be the most anticipated match on the card. RVD has been white-hot with the crowds since his first month with the company, and Randy Orton has been slowly developing an enormous amount of disdain from the audience since Evolution was reunited many moons ago. These are two guys who SHOULD be fighting one another for the second most prestigious belt in the promotion. They each have undeniable main event potential (with both already fighting for the title in past PPV main events) and a connection with the audience that can't be put into words. So why does this match feel so flat going in?
Unfortunately, Van Dam's been in cruise control all month with rumors flying about his contract renegotiations and little to no air time to develop his character or his motivations for the match this Sunday. His ringwork has been missing the edge that defined it up until this point, and his notoriety are slowly disintegrating as a result. Orton, meanwhile, is headed in the opposite direction. He's still got a long way to go in the ring before I consider him above average, but he's made notable improvements and gets better with each passing week. His character really turned a corner in the months before Batista returned to Evolution, and he's become a much more confident performer both on the mic and in the background. His association with Flair and Triple H is resulting in heat by association, and he's amplifying that rub as best as he can. There's no question about it, Orton is being groomed for the big time, he knows it, and he's ramping up his game to make that dream come true.
So what we've basically got in this one Sunday is the chosen one taking on the overlooked one. RVD should be defending his title with ferocity right now, fighting for his future in the company, not just going through the motions and looking up at the lights. Yet, somehow, I think the latter is the more likely of those two scenarios.
Winner: Randy Orton
Trish Stratus & Lita vs. Chris Jericho & Christian
I still don't think this storyline is over. I'll admit, I was a little worried when the whole Jericho / Trish / Christian / Lita dating scene was revealed to have been a bet from square one, but Jericho's nonverbal communication last Monday on RAW confirmed that there's more to this than we're being led to believe. Which is good, because there's no other real excuse for this match to be on the card, while the extremely strong women's division is snubbed and Matt Hardy is nowhere to be found. Trish and Lita come out on top, and Jericho isn't sure which side he's on.
Winner: Trish & Lita
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
Isn't it interesting how Shawn Michaels has now feuded (and subsequently wrestled on PPV) with every member of Evolution? And he's laid down for each one of them, sans Batista who gets his chance this Sunday. Strange, though, when a face takes issue with a dominating stable, he's historically worked his way through that stable's members from the bottom up, not the other way around as HBK has done here.
Like most of my colleagues, I've been pleasantly surprised by what Batista's shown us since returning in style a couple of months ago. Like Mark Henry, he's being pushed as the combination of the irresistible force and the immovable object, but Batista has much more to work with in terms of personality and physical ability. Unfortunately, that comes with a price since he seems prone to disaster. He works a convincingly aggressive style, but unless he can settle down and start hitting his spots with some regularity he's a risky guy to work with... which could mean trouble for Shawn Michaels. I'm looking forward to this one, at least more so than the others on the card, if just to see HBK attempt to prove he can still work a good to great match with a big guy after a horrible outing with Goldberg on RAW. Batista could really use this win, but Michaels is at risk of becoming a designated jobber if he drops another big match like this. I'm going with the Heart Breaker.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Goldberg (c) vs. Kane vs. Triple H
World Heavyweight Title Match
I really liked the way this was set up, with Kane unexpectedly thrusting himself into the Title hunt. It gave a sense of unpredictability back to a promotion that's needed it for years. For one or two nights, there was a sense that anything could happen and anyone could have a reasonable chance at the title. After a couple weeks, however, it was business as usual again. Instead of just Triple H and Goldberg in the main event, now there was a third man... that was it. No additional excitement or sense that you might miss something important if you dared to take a bathroom break during the main event. Just as quickly as things bubbled up, they settled down again and we were left with just a third ingredient to the same old formula.
The match could be surprisingly decent, but could just as easily go the other way entirely considering the volatility of all three men. If Goldberg keeps his wits around him and doesn't become too focused on playing the aggressor, Triple H brings his working boots and Kane doesn't phone it in, this should be a tight little three-way. The smart money is on Triple H, regaining the World Title now that his other commitments are out of the way, but I can't really overestimate how bad a decision that would be, considering how recent his dominant reign at the top still is. I'd hesitate to put the belt on Kane, too, since he's not really defined enough as a character to carry all of RAW on his back. Goldberg's my pick to retain, and to do so for several months to come. He's a good choice as the current figurehead of RAW, and it should mean something more than this when he finally does drop the gold.
Usually I talk myself into loving or loathing a card while typing up my match-by-match analysis, but this month is an exception to that rule. Like I said in my opening paragraph, this is really just a "blah" card from top to bottom. There's nothing motivating me to buy this show (or attend it live, as it were, since I live only two short hours from Orlando, where the event is being held), just like there's nothing really driving me away. I'll chalk that up to this being a formative month for the upcoming storylines that should begin their build to WrestleMania any day now. Just... don't let me down again, ok WWE?
until next time, i remain